Small kids should all go away

Last Saturday I woke up feeling fantastic. I had the day off work, and I'd be spending the entire day with my girlfriend. Awesome! There was just one small catch: I had to work with small children for two hours. I hate kids, but this would be OK because I was running video games. Piece of cake, right? I'm an expert on this stuff, spent most of my life playing them and researching them, how bad could running and even playing them be for that small piece of time?

Kids.

Ruin.

EVERYTHING!

You want to know why there hasn't been any Samcasm for the better part of a WEEK? Because I simply didn't have the energy! After I got done with that experience, I proceeded to take a nap, or at least try to. Arrgh. That got messed up too, on multiple occasions. You know what started this? One of the ADULTS started this. I was supposed to be running a simple game of Mario Kart. Easy to understand, even if you're horrible at Mario Kart it's at least fun to watch whatever sap picked Wario die when a full-blown car runs over him. And I specifically mean Wario. Because what did I end out running instead of Mario Kart? Warioware.

Not exactly a role model for children, IS he? Well, at this point, actually...

For those of you who've never played WarioWare, you'll probably consider yourself fortunate. It's fun, but not to teach newcomers constantly for 2 hours! Essentially, it's composed of a bunch of games that are all over within 5 seconds- so within that space of time, you have to figure out the rules of what to do, and DO it, before the game fails you. Hey, I can deal with that. You'll fail a number of times even if you're good at games. But you have fun!

UNLESS YOU'RE PLAYING IT WITH KIDS. Kids get frustrated at even the simplest play mechanics when they have a full minute to grasp them, and that's if they're playing ONE game. Try giving them a new game every 10 seconds, and no matter how simple, they'll get frustrated and quit. Or sit there and complain.

So after about two hours of trying to explain to the kids that this game isn't meant to be explained, and them getting frustrated when you can't explain everything within half a second, and then watching them drop the controllers....

Oh, my precious controllers. You are the connection to the system that brought me so much joy. All those years of staying home on Friday nights while even my best friend left me for his girl... actually, during that time period he was just leaving AIM to play Empire Earth, so I guess I wasn't any better... and... so many good games... and those little brats kept DROPPING YOU! GAHHH! IS THERE ANY RESPECT ANYMORE FOR THE FANTASTIC LITTLE PIECES OF HARDWARE THAT RUN OUR LIVES? DOES ANYONE EVEN REALIZE WHAT THESE CONTROLLERS DO FOR US? FOR CONTROLLERS HAVE GIVEN US A WAY TO PLAY MARIO KART, AND STAR FOX, AND EVEN WING COMMANDER, ALTHOUGH THAT'S MORE OF A JOYSTICK THING! I LOVE YOU, CONTROLLERS! AND I'M SORRY I LET SMALL KIDS DROP YOU!

OK, where we? Oh yeah. So we finally get done after these kids as well as this game have formed the combination to hell and sapped me of all my powers. We all go back to her house and pass out. Or try to. Then her brother comes out and starts swinging around a lightsaber and stuff, trying to get me to fight him. GAH! Look. You are not a Jedi, and if you were I would have already cut off all your limbs, because if these were real lightsabers, I would have hit you in every area possible, so how are you still swinging a lightsaber? OK, whatever. So he's still hyper, maybe we shouldn't have given him the cookie. Everyone gets up, and it's time for a hayride at... some place with hay.

"They're staring at each other!" Yes... yes we are, kid... and perhaps you should be glad, because- "they're just looking into each other's eyes!" the ONLY THING keeping me from snapping is the fact that she's around. So the last thing I need is some John Madden wannabe giving me the play-by-play on my life. Because you know, I think the only two people who care if I'm looking at your sister are- "They're just looking at each other!"

DANG IT ALL KID! I JUST GOT DONE DEALING WITH NONSENSICAL STATEMENTS FOR TWO HOURS, CAN WE STOP SAYING THINGS THAT ARE OBVIOUS!

"He seems annoyed, I wonder why?"

That last quote was something I made up. But it's close enough. Sigh. So on the way home from this hayride, he falls asleep on my shoulder. I lean over a little for some reason, he does too, now I can't go into an upright position because he's leaning on me, so I just stay there and get this crick in my back because I can't move and I'm in an unnatural position...

I'm just too lazy to care anymore at this point, because anyone under the age of 10 obviously has it in for me today. So I give up and reach for my cell phone to just dial the chiropractor...