Mailbag Thursday II

As if I didn't have enough to mock in life, people keep emailing me this stuff. Whatever. This first one is from KylerMartyn, once again:

I am emailing this to you solely so that you will have *some*thing for "Mailbag Thursday" and not be too disappointed.


...Um, so, hi.

My birthday is in 27 days!!!! Yay! I'll be 15!!

...wait, maybe I should say something stupid so that you have something to make fun of and then your blog readers won't be too disappointed. Umm, hmm, what's something stupid to say? I'm sure you'll come up with something to make fun of in this whole email anyway. You have a way of making things stupid that weren't stupid. So I guess I'll just quit talking then. :P

Happy Thursday, blog readers!

~Kyler


Well, thank God for you, Kyler. You know, I actually WAS going to be disappointed. I mean, every time I check my mailbox, I get emails from Sears, JCPenney, Linksys, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I didn't sign up for. So imagine how thankful I was to get your insightful, INTERESTING message, that had so much to say! And with such purpose behind it as well!

Blah blah blah... birthday... you know, I was just about to make a comment on how these other people were trying (indirectly) to get me to buy something. Then I didn't, and now I wish I had. So tell me Kyler, what do you want for your birthday? Hmm? Well, that's too bad, because I'm not buying you anything! HA! You'll get a wall post on Facebook, IF you're lucky. More likely I'll just sit on the internet in class all day and "forget" to do that much. Why bother?

Oh, and I really like this sentence: ...wait, maybe I should say something stupid so that you have something to make fun of and then your blog readers won't be too disappointed. Oh, we're all disappointed, but not because of a lack of stupidity, Kyler. You claim I have a way of making things stupid when they weren't stupid, and I just say that you're too dumb to notice how stupid it was in the first place.

Man, thank God I only have one crazy person emailing me per week. Because as if the general dumbness of life wasn't bad enough, one of you feels the need to actually direct their stupidity at me. Now, I'm going to go to my nice clean email box and...

OK, who told who that I needed a second message for the week? Ugh. This one comes at you from BeyondTheFail. Argh.

Okay, Sam, time for some commentary, this one from MY point of view.

I started the planning for the Fall Festival thinking "Okay, I'll only be dealing with older kids that have some sense of rhythm when running a rhythm game". So, I got the nice dance mats from my friend, thinking I'd deal with competent people during it.

Wrong. And I am NOT mommy.

Let me explain. About 80% of the people who played were under the age of 10. The only people who weren't under the age of 10 were a teenager who was attempting to get the game herself, so she wanted to play it and see how she liked it, and the woman who helped out the most with the children's church. 1 of these kids decided to start hitting his sister (so it appeared), so I told him that, if he kept it up, he wouldn't get to play the game. He hits his sister again. I tell him he doesn't get a turn. He pouts. I don't budge. I have to stay firm, otherwise the kids would do whatever they want!

This is why I don't want kids. I barely had the patience to deal with little kids who happen to enter the room I was in, let alone having kids of my own. I especially have issue when they're trying to get under your skin and they're RELATED to you. My brother..."They're staring at each other!" My thoughts: "So? Is there a problem with this?"

*sigh* I don't like kids. I don't want them. I'd rather be the crazy aunt who spoils a sibling's kids and then sends them home.

Yeah, well, you certainly have crazy down. Is that your point of view, by the way? Crazy? I can only assume that's your point of view, because everyone who will talk to me has apparently LOST THEIR MIND. I mean, come on. You expected to be working with older kids... on a children's outreach activity? Really? Older kids are out pretending they're old enough to go on dates, or older still, actually DOING things on a Saturday! They certainly aren't coming with their parents to random church events! And from this we see that yes, you ARE crazy. You attempted to get a bunch of brats who could barely even tie their shoes to play a game that, by definition, requires RHYTHM. Ya senseless dork. At least you figured out that you aren't mommy, that one must have been difficult because most people can't remember whether they've given birth or not at some point. (I know I haven't!)

So you stopped the kids from hitting each other. That's good, but really, I don't think you took it far enough. Perhaps you should have gone out and perpetrated some violence yourself, you know? Take the brat who's doing violence and drop kick him, teach him a lesson, because if you don't beat up small children, they won't cower before you as is proper. (Oh, and for any paranoid types, or employers, or that federal agent we have out there in the stands: the name of this blog is Samcasm. If you seriously think, based off of that, that I am advocating violence, against children or otherwise, you should probably hit alt+F4, which will bring up my advanced refutation of your silliness. You might think alt+F4 closes the window, but because of blogger's advanced dynamic AJAX coding, it has some different functionality here. Give it a try!)

At least you got it right that your brother is insane. But I mean, come on, wanting to be the crazy aunt? You sound like you're on the fast track for some guy who'll just be dying to help you fulfill the "I have lost my grip on life" dynamic, and I do not want to see that guy, because it's looking to be some nerd who sits around eating chex mix and writing angry things on the internet. You know, the type of hopeless joker who doesn't think anything but blue jeans and t-shirts are necessary and actually sits around playing board games on Friday night, like some space nerd version of Risk or something- and willingly opts to do this instead of going out with a girl. Man, what kind of dork does stuff like that?

Certainly not me, that's for sure. So, email me at maxgene@gmail.com and you'll get shredded to pieces next week too, while making me slowly hate humanity even more.