Quit arguing like a moron

It seems like everyone who has an opinion these days needs to express it somehow. This wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that they have stupid opinions, and they're absolutely terrible at communicating them. It wouldn't be bad if they were so dumb and bad at communicating that all they were doing was painting, or doing something else I can ignore. Unfortunately, our educational system has gotten everyone to the point where they can not only talk, but even read and write, meaning that even when I lock myself in my house for a week and have no outside communication but the internet, they're even expressing their opinions there. Ugh.

So going out in public isn't an option anymore, at least not for long, because idiots are there. And now that everyone is on the internet, I can't just stay in my house until the pizza place closes and I need to find a new one to deliver. Well, I could, but eventually I go online to order a new game... and I get tempted to see what people are discussing these days... and then before I know it, I've absorbed a bunch of idiocy again.

Even bad opinions aren't really the problem. Everyone has bad opinions- I have them, you have them, EVERYONE has at least ten dumb opinions that they're either holding on to stubbornly or at least haven't fully thought through. After a proper debate and careful critical thought, though, reasonable people will either change their bad opinions to match reality, or at least have some carefully considered reasons backing up their bad opinions. Sometimes that's the best you can do, like in a political discussion, where ALL the ideas are either bad or never going to happen.

Idiots, though, not only have bad opinions, they have bad arguments. No, not even just bad arguments- those follow from bad opinions, after all. They have bad methods of arguing. Just last week someone posted on Facebook about how great their playlist was when they hit shuffle. What was so great about it? The songs that showed up involved the Jonas Brothers and some Disney chick. Just buying or downloading those songs was a bad decision, and if someone put them on my computer when I wasn't looking I'd give them a nice big funeral pyre. (Both the computer, AND the person). Actually liking that music is a bad opinion, obviously. So, in the same way that you'd tell 5 year old Timmy that 2+2 = 4, not 22, I told them that their taste in music was awful and that they needed to hit shuffle again, but not before deleting all of their awful music. (Hint: Take a magnet to your hard drive and start over.) One of their friends (also not the brightest of people) decided to chime in and say how great the playlist was, and I told her that her opinion was a bad one, too.

By now you're wondering if anyone bothered responding to me, or if they just stood around yapping about how they loved the latest episode of the I have no talent but I'm riding on daddy's fame show. Actually, they did all turn at once to stop my horrible meanness with this one magical phrase:

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Yeah, well, apparently everyone but me!



My statement on the matter was essentially this, for those of you need help putting together the pieces I've given you so far: Your opinion is awful, anyone can see it, and if you were smart you wouldn't have it. I'll admit elements of that was wrong- they would have had a different opinion if they had musical taste, not just intelligence. Still, this was my opinion. You know, that thing I'm entitled to? Yeah, that's right, what you just said basically meant that I have a right to mock you. Maybe what you meant to say was more like "I know my music is awful, stop mocking it and every other idiotic thing I hold dear because it makes me look stupid :(!!!1!", right?

I'm just not even sure what's left to do with these people. The Disney fans were bad enough- you can't argue based off good logic or good taste, and apparently the city council doesn't appreciate it if you tie them up and leave them by the curb on trash day. At least that stuff is theoretically subjective- not once have I met a really smart, non-ditzy person who liked it, but hey, totally subjective! But then you get people who have bad opinions on things that are based in facts; people who don't believe that long jail terms or the death penalty for repeat offenders reduce crime. Hey, here's a fact for you: repeat offender criminals who are either in jail or dead aren't committing crimes! Get rid of your so-called statistics and other math-based arguments, because what I'm giving you here is based off of the simple physics of the fact that no one is two places at once (or alive while they're dead, zombies excepted). There, I've just demonstrated why your opinion is a bad one- if you argue for your bad opinion, it'll be with a bad argument.

Other opinions that are bad ones based off of facts:
-Global Warming as a man-made phenomenon that will doom us all!
-The President (past, current, future) is part of a conspiracy to open a portal to hell in the middle of the country!
-The government should take over... well, ANY industry, business, or abandoned field! (If the government was a business it'd be the one that operates offshore because it's being actively hunted by every military in the world just for bad business practices)
-I like McDonald's!

I'm sure you can figure out more on your own. Send your idiot stories to maxgene@gmail.com and I just might give it the Samcasm treatment, even if that means explaining YOU were the idiot.

Profess thy idiocy. NOW.

I swear, it's like some of my professors are employed for the sole purpose of annoying the living crap out of us. It's not what they assign, it's not what they cover in class. It's THEM! Let's talk about my Computer Science 2 professor, he's an idiot.

No, really. He's gotten marginally smarter since the class started... wait, that's a lie. Just last week I had to correct him on something. I have no idea how he got tenured, but I suspect it was around the time when he actually knew how to program. Since then he's forgotten what the first line is in 90% of these programs, dropped semicolons where the students don't.... for those of you who don't program, let me sum this up in terms you'd understand: THIS GUY SHOULDN'T BE TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL CLASSES, LET ALONE COLLEGE. Arrrgh.

Last week a kid was having a bug of some sort. He tells the guy to bring it up and hook it up to the projector to see what was going on. (Translated: Hey, maybe the students will fix this, I sure as heck can't. Yeah, well, we could, if you'd listen to us!) I already knew the gist of what was wrong before he went up, and the minute I saw his program, I knew exactly what to fix. "Do this" I say. "Wait, he shouldn't need to, because this is a specific version of that!" the professor says. It's bad for your grades to say "You. Are. A. MORON!", apparently, so this time I stuck with "No, it's NOT, it's what I'm saying it is." Cue the student himself saying the professor isn't right, but not knowing what to fix anymore because I'm being contradicted 10 times a minute! Why am I even taking this class?! I could be teaching it!

I mean, most of us make a point of ignoring him in class at this point. We actually get dumber if we pay attention. Read the book, understand the concept, and then forget what you're supposed to do because his explanation sucks. Wait, I'm sorry. I got that wrong. His explanation sucks, he does it wrong the first 4 times, and by the 5th time you're confused. This guy is a hazard. Just today he gave us an open-note quiz, but not "open-neighbor". Then he had us take the thing on our laptops, with wireless capability. I'm not saying people cheated- I sure didn't, because obviously I don't need any help with this class- but come on. At least PRETEND you care. Then again, only the idiots would think of going on chat to try and cheat, and they're all too dumb to help each other.

You, the idiots that didn't turn in any homework and had no idea what to do as a result. I'm talking about you, knowing full well that one of you will read this eventually. No offense.... OK, I'm lying, here at Samcasm I don't care who I offend. STUPID MOVE! If this weren't a rant about the prof I'd tear you to shreds too! Homework is 40% of the grade for the class and you're not even pretending to try, morons.


Back on the subject of ignoring him, there's only one time I paid attention on purpose in the last month, and that was for our caffeine drinking game. That's right, this guy is so bad we ended out making up a drinking game- around caffeinated beverages- just for him. Take one when he makes a mistake, five for an ambiguous assignment, and so forth... I think if you inspire a drinking game of any kind you should take a serious look at what you're doing. (Caffeine and not alcohol because let's face it, if you take a metabolic poison as a recreational drug in the first place, you're an idiot. If you do it in a class, I'm going to convince you to jump out the window because you're the kind of idiot I'm sick of dealing with.) Let's just say that by the end of class, I was ridiculously hyper and I had to take a trip to the bathroom.

I was also going to write about our new substitute that'll be around for 2 weeks, at least, but this is long enough already and he just got in here. So I'll probably write ANOTHER "professor is dumb" rant after that.

I swear I'd stop showing up if we weren't being counted for attendance.

The first post

Welcome to Samcasm. This is the place where I post about things that bother me, where I sarcastically rip into things that annoy me or are just stupid, and where you apparently go when bored.

Email me at maxgene@gmail.com with your own stupid opinions, stupid feedback to a post I made, or something else you think is cool (but is actually stupid- trust me, everything you have to say falls under this category) and you just might make it into a mailbag post, where I rip apart more stupidity... but this time, from my viewers. (I'd say fans, but let's be realistic- I only have one of those and she's getting the most samcastic responses of them all.)

It's 12:47 AM and I'm tired. Go away.